April Fools Severus Snape
by otherside2
Summary: Severus Snape wakes up to discover April fools day is going to turn his world inside out. For all those who like to poke a little fun at our favorite potions master.
1. The Day Begins

* Disclaimer- The world of Harry Potter does not belong to me.  I do not make any money from any of this.  Look at my car if you don't believe me*

Severus Snape lifted his head from his pillow.  It was yet another bright and sunny morning, and it shone merrily into his window.  Which was odd, because he lived in the dungeons, but you did not question little things like that when you lived in a magical castle such as Hogwarts.

He did not, however, appreciate the castles little joke.  He threw a pillow at the window, and his aim was much better than usual, because the pillow went sailing right through the open window.  He closed his eyes in exasperation.  He very defiantly did not want to know where that magical window opened out to today.  (Meanwhile Professor Flitwick had quite a surprise while taking his morning shower, and suddenly being pelted with a green silk coved pillow.)

            While setting down to morning tea, and the newly arrived edition of The Daily Prophet, Severus noticed the date.  April first, his favorite day of the year.  Sarcasm practically oozed out his ears at the thought. No wonder the castle was livelier today than usual.  He most certainly did not want to leave his rooms, but it looked as if even his private chambers were no escape from Hogwarts perverse sense of humor, no doubt heavily influenced by its headmaster Albus Dumbledore. A pained expression crossed his sour face. (He did NOT just see a feathered, roller-skating boa constrictor go sailing past, giving him a friendly serpent smile)  He quickly escaped his chamber, slamming the door firmly behind him.

            A quick walk through the halls reveled the portraits had taken the day to heart.  They wolf whistled at him, and he ignored them.  Maybe he shouldn't have.

            The students in the great hall stared at him.  And could not stop staring.  One of them found his voice enough to shout "nice pants, professor!" before bursting into hysterical laughter and falling to the floor.  

            Severus Snape looked down at his pants.  Oh, damnation.   He had not even noticed while stalking to breakfast, so intent was he to ignore the world around him.  His pants had been transformed into supple, skintight black leather.  His familiar cape was transfigured similarly, and he wore a knee length black coat.    He would not, would NOT he repeated to himself, give in so easily.  

            "Thank you Mr. Weasley." He replied, and stalked off to the head table in his usual manner. "Almost as funny as the buzzard hat and the purse" he heard someone whisper giddily.  His eyes narrowed, as he grouchily took a place next to Albus.

            "Trying something new, Severus?  I believe I like it."  Albus said, passing him the toast.  Which was dancing on the platter.  And he thought it might have winked at him.  He pushed it away.  

            He thought he might have some peace finally when he entered his own classroom, and breathed deep the spicy potion smell.  He quickly reverted his robes back to normal, and sat in his chair behind desk, a relived exhalation at the quiet.  Then the Gryffindor and Slytherins arrived.  And a screaming mob of girls.  Must be after Potter, was his first thought as they entered the door.   He started to rise to begin deducting house points, but was stopped short because they ran up to his desk and started throwing themselves at him. 

"We love you Sevvie-baby!" they shouted.  He dropped his wand from his sleeve to his hand to point at them, but they were already a whirlwind heading back out the door, pausing briefly to stop and give Miss Granger a knowing wink. 

Completely off guard by now he did the first thing that came to mind. "20 points from Gryffindor." 

"Wait a minute" Harry Potter managed to speak, jumping from his desk.  The laughter in the class stilled instantly, and every student looked everywhere but at their angry professor.  "Get in your seat, another 5 points from you" Severus ordered, reclaiming control of his classroom.

Everything was fine and normal for the next 15 minutes, at least on the outside.  While the rest of the class could not wipe grins of their faces, they kept their amused thoughts to themselves.  Snape in leather *snicker*, Snape having a fan club *double snicker*.

The dark man himself prowled the room, criticizing their brewing techniques, and thinking similar thoughts.  Screaming girls addressing him as "Sevvie" and running their hands all over him indeed.  Well, maybe he was just bothered by the screaming part and the Sevvie part. 

And in the back of the classroom, a certain fuzzy haired 7th year was daydreaming of longhaired men in dark flowing outfits with rather prominent noses, and deep seductive voices… 

Neville Longbottom dropped his jaw in horror.  "Hermione, you did not just pour the whole bag of nose hairs into the potion…"

***Boom! * **

            Their cauldron exploded.

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As it is time for me to go to bed, and April Fools will soon be over, this is where this must end.  I may continue it if wanted, or let someone else play around if they want.  I know I had fun with it!  What should come out of the cauldron?  Love to hear you ideas.  My little bit of humorous fluff for the day.

The roller-skating feathered boa is an obvious reference to Riley's "Pawn to Queen" and I dearly wanted to mention Esme in this story, because she is my favorite OC ever. so I hope I am not crossing any lines I should not.  As this is fan fic and we are borrowing things from JKR's story I think its ok to borrow from each other's as long as we give full credit?  

Snape in leather was provoked by the discussion on WIKTT Misc.  about Snape-alikes possibly being Trent Reznor and someone (who looked very nice in leather and long black hair) in a band called 69eyes.

If any one has amusing bits from thoughts, imagination, or other fan fics to torment Snape with on this special day, I would love to add them in!  


	2. When 80's Music Attacks

            Snape jumped at the loud explosion.  "Mr. Longbottom…." He growled instantly, and began to turn in their direction.  Although he didn't really want to see what might appear from their cauldron.   

            And he was right.  Tap dancing house elves streamed in an endless line from the rainbow colored smoke, and they were singing.  

"He's a cold-hearted snake  
Look into his eyes  
Oh oh oh  
He's been tellin' lies  
He's a lover boy at play  
He don't play by rules  
Oh oh oh"

The children laughed and clapped.  He heard Lavender Brown exclaim "I loved that song when I was in muggle fifth grade!"  The girls who were muggle raised caught on to the elves song, and joined in.

"He's c-cold as ice"

            "Enough!" He roared, his cheeks beginning to gain a healthy redish tinge, and then tried a banishment charm, that didn't work too well.  He could only banish one at a time.  The song continued.  Into a horrible rap sequence… he quickly tried a silencing charm.  That also failed.

"And he's been only only playing undercover all the while  
(One one smooth smooth sharp sharp tongue tongue)  
Take a take another 'nother look into his eyes  
(He he just just talks)  
And you will on-ly see a rep-tile"

            The song ended and the house elves all disappeared in a snap. The horrible scene permantly burned into his memory, Snape immediately filled the silence "150 points from Gryffindor!  100 points from all the other houses!"  He shouted, going for a new record.  "Class is dismissed, leave my room at once!  Three detentions each for Mr. Longbottom and Miss Granger!"

             He turned back to his desk, while the class scuttled out as fast as they could.  Sitting down to put as many red slashes as possible on their homework seemed to calm his murderous mood a little.  A very little.  He noticed the date "April 1" on his Colorful Snakes of the World desk calendar.  He blasted the entire thing to bits with a flick of his wand, and felt a deep sense of satisfaction.  And then noticed there was still one seventh year left in his classroom.

            "Miss Granger why in Merlin's name are you still here?" he modified what he would rather have said to her at that moment, but the tone of his voice made it pretty clear.

            Her eyes looked straight into his angry swirling black ones, and he gave her credit for not flinching.  "It was not Neville's fault this time.  I wasn't paying attention, and dumped all the nose hairs in the cauldron."  She blushed, but kept on with what she wanted to say.  "I had no idea that… that would happen.  I'm sorry."  Now she looked like she would instantly run out the door, her Gryffindor courage drained to the last drop.

            He just stared at her in amazement.  "Then you will serve all 6 detentions yourself it that's what you want.  Please leave now."  Honestly, what was wrong with the girl?

            "Thank you Professor."  She smiled, blushed again, and ran out of the room.

            'Well, what in the seven hells was that…' he thought watching her leave.  The day must be affecting her, too.  Stupid girls.  He went back to grading his papers, not noticing the shadow slowly moving a crossed the room.

**********************************************************************

Once again bedtime for me.  I hope some of you out there remember Paula Abduls song; I remember I used to love it (shudders).  When I was picturing house elves jumping out of a cauldron in snapes class, they just started singing that song in my mind, and it's been YEARS since I've heard it.  But it's perfect lol.  Hope someone else enjoys it.  No beta for my fluff, so apologize if there are a lot of mistakes.  Thank you all for reviewing and wanting me to continue!  It makes me *sniff * so happy.   ;)


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